A True Ending Never Comes

“Ends are not bad things, they just mean that something else is about to begin. And there are many things that don't really end, anyway, they just begin again in a new way. Ends are not bad and many ends aren't really an ending; some things are never-ending.”

― C. JoyBell C.

               

          

           Graduation is literally days away now, and we are all about to be kicked into the “real world”. The thought of this happening so rapidly is still sending me mixed signals, I’m terrified and ecstatic at the same time (probably not a good thing for my health ha-ha). This blog being the final blog blindsided me, for some reason I imagined this assignment lasting forever. I'm not one to disappoint my readers, though, so here’s “one final hurrah!”

This year was no joke, it could have literally ruined my entire future and the futures of my classmates have planned their lives all throughout high school. One other year comes pretty close in seriousness, that being sophomore year. One day in English 9, I was just sitting there learning about whatever garbage we learned that year when, all of a sudden, a NAVIT sign-up sheet appeared from thin air. They basically told us to sign right then and there or we wouldn’t be able to later. If I wouldn’t have had any curiosity in this “new field” known as Mechatronics, my life would be totally different right now. I’d probably be trying to become manager at Popeye’s instead of what I’m going to tell you later on. I’m so glad that I made that split second decision to join NAVIT, I had no plans to do anything with my life. I’ve changed so many times, felt strange feeling so many times, and by God I learned so many different things; I hope that doesn’t change after this month. If my life didn’t have any of these ups and downs, it would be more boring than hell. My ability to adapt and think has made these changes benefit me more than they have hindered, and I love this self-evolution.

Just as my senior year is coming to a close, so is this assignment. I’ve had a lot of positive feedback from my blogs, my peers seem to like them. I feel they do so well because I write from the heart; I haven’t censored my soul on any part of this assignment. That being said, as the door shuts on my high school career and my senior blog, I have recently discovered that my NAVIT career is launching me into life faster than I ever would have guessed.

The NPC Mechatronics Chairman has informed me that the Purina Plant in Flagstaff wants me to be an intern there, earning $18 just to learn how to do my job. I have never been this excited to finish my schooling ever before; I have to try and finish up with my Associated before anyone else can snag this opportunity. My dream job and salary have landed right before my eyes. After I’m done there I can apply for Baxter Pharmaceutical in Denver, and start making $30 an hour and up, doing the stuff I love. All of this stemming from a split second decision. I owe this success to everyone I’ve met in high school: my friends, my teachers, my fellow peers; all of you have helped shape me into who I am today. There is no way I could truly thank every single one of you, but I can thank those of you who read this. It’s been a fun ride, but it just isn’t over yet.

AP English has made high school worth it

I cannot believe I am already at my seventh blog, it feels like only the other day we started this assignment. AP English has honestly had an enormous impact on my life. This class has removed every single “white man bias” I’ve had growing up, and I love being able to see the world from other perspectives. I wasn’t biased negatively by what my parents taught me, they raised me with loving Christian values. I believe what gave me a negative view of the world was junior high and early high school. I only looked at problems through my eyes: young white man eyes. Seeing how people treated me different for my skin color and gender made me extremely defensive, even hostile a few times. Anything I didn’t understand or got blamed for I would be severely against. Gays? Didn’t understand so I was against them. Immigrants? Didn’t understand why they wanted to be here so bad. I still cared for everything and everyone, it’s just that I couldn’t grasp how people could have ideologies so different than mine. It was an extremely dark time in my life, and I thought I was in the right. Sure once I reached junior year those ideas died down and I calmed down, it wasn’t until this class that my eyes opened. I learned about perspective, and since then have tried looking at every single perspective in anything and everything around me.

This thought came about on April 22^nd, in class. Mrs. Caffey asked us what kind of good life lessoned we learned in high school so we could add it to a slam poem, and the entire class (of like eight people) didn’t have anything to say; we were all sitting around one table, speechless. The only thing positive that came to my mind was how AP English taught me how to care for people, a lot more than I already did. I was able to think of the plethora of lessons I learned before going into junior high, but after that everything just got kind of sad about how much growing up has stopped me from learning “nice” things. The life lessons I’ve learned recently have been things like “small circles of friends are easier to manage” and “Don’t trust everyone you meet”. Of course this always ties into “Why can’t everyone just get along/ leave each other alone?” but that’s a topic for another blog. The main thing I’m trying to get across right now is, why did growing up only let me learn depressing lessons? Did I do something wrong with how I grew up? Should I have done more? I can’t fully answer these questions until I have a mid-life crisis in about thirty years, but I’m puzzled at how everyone in the class was as stumped as I was. Maybe it was the weather making everyone depressed or something, but not a single soul in that room could think of a positive lesson learned in high school. The way how everyone’s attitude toned down, as if they too had thoughts of how their “dark times in life” were. This once again triggered my perspective mode, we all have had bad times. But we have all made it this far, and all of us will make it past these dark times and learn positive lessons in the future, I guarantee it.

Challenges/ Priorities

If you kept up with my blogs, by this point you should know my main hobby is video games. I know it’s not as special as rock climbing or anything, but it keeps me going, ok? I recently bought a new game and, oh boy, it is HARD. This game has made me feel every emotion on the spectrum. I’ve been so happy that I have a constant smile on my face, I’ve been so sad my eyes have teared up a bit. The main emotion I’ve felt is ANGER. Whenever I die on it I spiral into a rage so fierce that I wonder why I paid sixty dollars for that piece of junk. But through the anger, I’ve calmed myself and carried myself through it. Finishing it today made me so ecstatic that I almost danced into the living room to tell my brother. When I told him, he gave me the same look my dad always gives me when he says, “If you put half as much effort you put into games as you did with school, you’d have all A’s.” Whenever he says this, I usually ignore him and keep playing, but today I wondered the same thing.

I put so much effort into this game that I’m actually shocked I was able to beat it. This made me think, “Why do I quit doing school work when it gets this hard? In this game I pushed and pushed with “blood and sweat”, why can’t I do that in real life?” That brings up the thought of the “instant gratification monkey”. There’s a great TED talk about it right here: http://tinyurl.com/hyek889. Basically the talk talks about how we do things that make us feel good right away. Instead of doing e2020 like I planned to this weekend, I played that game. Why? Because it made me feel like I accomplished something instead of feeling like I’m getting nowhere on e2020. Sure the game was a lot more difficult than sitting down and typing for hours, but when I actually defeated a boss or online player I felt amazing that I completed something so challenging; and it felt GREAT.

Most people associate this game (If you’re curious, it’s called Dark Souls 3, a fantasy game like I said two posts ago) with being extremely difficult, and that’s why I think I like it so much. I hate simple games where you click one button and a ball shoots or some other crap like that. I love games where you have to use every sense to know what to do. Ones where you have to keep track of what just happened while you prepare for what’s coming up. I got a little off topic right there, I felt like I needed to explain my addiction/ passion a little better. Today shows me how easy my plans can get thrown off, just for a quick fix of faux-adrenaline. It shows me that even though I feel amazing right now, tomorrow I’m probably going to be really bummed I didn’t finish that e2020. Like my last blog said, gotta get my priorities straight.  

Motivation

I can officially say that “Senioritis” is hitting me with full affect. In my earlier years of high school, I was just lazy with my homework, slacking off until the last possible moment on my assignments was a complete norm, while was caught up in almost everything else. Nowadays there is a list of things piling up, and I’m almost drowning in the responsibilities I’m delaying. Don’t take my self-acknowledged laziness as a sign that I don’t work hard on what I do, I usually give it at least eighty percent effort. It’s just that as of recently I am noticing all of my duties in a singular view: seeing all of them at once.

What really set in my mind that I’m slacking was my senior pictures. I wasn’t really too thrilled about them, but I knew my mom really cared for them. We had a photographer take pics of my brother and I around the train station and the Heward House, and when my mother finally got copies of the photos I noticed one thing, I’ve gotten a lot bigger than I thought. Now, I could list every reason why I don’t have time to work out, run, or eat healthy, but I know the excuses get you nowhere in life. I haven’t gone to a gym since sophomore year, and I really enjoy my Coca Cola. You may also think, “Well golly gee Frankie, don’t you have a mirror?” Yes I do. Every time before I take a shower I take a look at myself in my bathroom mirror, not out of narcissism, but to look at how much acne I have. Not in two years have I noticed that I have gained that much weight. I noticed that I have gained weight, but I never thought that much of it.

Another thing I’ve set aside are my senior duties. I haven’t signed up for any scholarships, haven’t finished FAFSA, and I haven’t attended many games or dances, anything senior-ish. I do have a valid excuse on this one with NAVIT taking up half my day but, still. I feel like I have completely skipped my high school experience with the amount of college work I do. I’m not entirely sad that I’m missing out on these things, I’ve got a plan set up to where I won’t need scholarships and I’ve always been a sort of introvert, but  I feel like the feeling of being a senior never truly kicked in for me. I still feel like I am a lower class-man: having little responsibilities, but that just isn’t the case anymore.

With all of this stuff being said, it becomes clear that I lack the proper motivation, the proper drive to get things done. I’m glad to say that I am starting to work on all my failings now, starting this very day; not because I want to, but because I can. Not everyone in this world has the opportunities I am gifted with, I might as well make use of them. Even just staying in shape and going out of my way to attend events can be a starter for the larger picture.

Fantasy

                 

             Throughout my life I have been exposed to countless genres of fiction. I have experienced a plethora of them, from Sci-Fi to Historical fiction, but one has always caught my eye more than any other: Fantasy. Before you call this a nerd rant and move on, take some time and look at it from a different perspective. I don’t see this as an escape from my life, as I love the current world I live in. That being said, we don’t have fire spitting dragons and enchanted swords in this world. I am fascinated by all the different ideas people have come up with involving heroic tales of a knight saving a princess or a crusade for a holy artifact, involving things that are inspired by our world, but are not found naturally throughout our planet.

The first taste of Fantasy was from movies. I have always loved The Lord of the Rings movies, even when I had no idea what was going on when I was younger. One ring that had the power to corrupt minds and turn people invisible was far beyond my comprehension at the time, but has altered the way I look at things years in advance. Now when I see rings with symbols, swords, anything medieval or the sort, I get severely intrigued.  I’ve never done any deep research about medieval weapons or anything like that, but whenever I see something similar it immediately becomes my number one priority; my subconscious must have latched onto this other world.

                

I know that there are literally thousands of books out there about Fantasy, but I have yet to read one that has caught my attention. Usually the wording is far beyond what I’m willing to read at that moment or the plot is confusing, I find myself having to re-read entire pages of these books because my train of thought is at a different station. Don’t get me wrong, I know these books have had huge impacts on the movies and games I play/watch, but the technological era has killed the luster of this form of fantasy for me. I really wish that at some point in my life, I can go to a place remote of technology and learn how to respect this medium of my favorite genre.

                

Recently (within the last five years) my Fantasy attachment has lead me somewhere else: video games. It’s not like I strictly play fantasy games, but whenever I do see one I’ll usually check it out. The feeling of controlling a knight clad in full armor while wielding a great-sword with two hands is an experience I could never fully describe, it’s amazing. It feels like you are actually there, protecting the righteous and deciding what is good or bad. It’s a level of control that you just can’t have in fantasy movies and definitely can’t have in the real world. It allows you to step into this other place, and experience a different culture without even having to leave your house. These kinds of games have formed a better human nature for caring about others humans and the world than real life lessons have. I’m not sure if that’s the intended purpose, but these games, movies, and books have taught me to be a better person. So like I said earlier, I haven’t used fantasy to escape reality, fantasy has helped me care for my reality.

Mechatronics, Why do I care?

Being in AP English, we all know that college work can be difficult. We are taking college courses while still being enrolled in high school. Being in Trig/Pre Cal and NAVIT alongside this basically means that I, myself, am more of a college student than high school student. You may ask me, “Golly gee Frankie, why would you do this to yourself?” The answer is simple, I wanted to save money. Every single college credit I earn right now, is free time and money next year. Sure this may drive me insane, but I feel that in the long term it will help me substantially. I am working for an Associate’s degree in Mechatronics, which is a hot field to be in nowadays. I hope to use the Associates degree as a foot stool to get a Bachelor’s, which is required for most of the positions. The world needs mechatronics engineers so that we can lift ourselves into the electric and mechanical utopia of the future that everyone wants.

The Google definition of Mechatronics is a multidisciplinary field of engineering that includes a combination of systems engineering, mechanical engineering, electrical engineering, telecommunications engineering, control engineering and computer engineering. Companies would rather hire someone right now who know a moderate amount of each of these subjects than one person who specializes in one. The average pay in the US for a Mechatronics Engineer is around $88,800 a year, which is absurdly amazing.

The work I do at NAVIT isn’t too hard. Everything is either common knowledge or written down in a book for you to read. The real difficulty is that NPC’s Mechatronics program is barely starting up, so I will not get the full experience as someone five years from now. Although this might affect how I perform out in the field, I will get a jump start into the job world before these more educated students can, meaning I have a chance to get the good job before they do. Hopefully everything will turn out all right, my instructors keep informing us that there are plenty of jobs out there, but you never know.

My role model that inspires me to carry on my learning is a man named Elon Musk. Elon is the CEO at Tesla and Space X, two companies that incorporate everything I will learn in NAVIT (plus some) into their designs, revolutionizing the field by introducing concepts no one has ever thought of before. Recently, Space X tested a rocket that was able to fly into space and land; this is a remarkable step towards space travel, all thanks one man and his team of experts in the same field I hope to land in.

All of these colors and I still couldn't paint a future

All of my life I have been absolutely fascinated with art. Paintings, statues, everything and anything that an artist had poured their own blood, sweat, and tears into. When I was little, anytime I could draw, I WOULD. I’d grab my box of sixty-four crayons, sit down wherever I found comfortable in my grandpa's house, and I would UNLEASH my inner artist. My creations would range anywhere from stick figure comics, on the spot mythical creatures, scenes from movies or games I had just witnessed; Nothing could stop this little boy from spreading his imagination all over the place.

This is the point where the story gets kind of sad: I lost it. I lost my love for creating fabulous worlds with the tips of my color sticks. My stick figure comics became poorly drawn in my eyes. My mythical creature I would come up with became stupid. I tried desperately to love my own work, but I HATED it. I saw how people around me could do amazing things, while I was still in the corner drawing stick people and “Eiknarfs”. My art teacher (not mentioning any names cough cough Mrs. Newberry) was my worst critic. She scrutinized any and all of my creations, slowly killing the beautiful artist that I was. I would draw a horse, she would say the mouth was too big. I would draw one of my “Eiknarfs”, she would ask me if I was in second grade. Nothing would please this woman unless it was exactly how she had picture it, which was almost a polar opposite of what I enjoyed making.

One of my greatest friends I had in Junior High was a guy names Lorenzo. He was one of the people that was amazing at drawing that made me second guess my art. He could draw realistic people, stick figure comics that were twenty times as funny as mine, he could even draw amazing mythical creatures. Sure it put me down in the dumps seeing how good he was, but he was also an inspiration. I would strive to draw as well as him, although it was usually to no avail. We drew so many stick figure comics, and even though I thought his were far better than mine, he would say mine were just as good. That right there is how everyone should treat everyone. Instead of telling someone they’re version is wrong just because it doesn’t match yours, let them know that they gave their best and that they are amazing human beings. Life is way too short to demean people all the time, if we had more Lorenzos in this world, it would be a lot more loving place.

P.S. Even though Lorenzo could draw hilarious stick figure comics and Mrs. Newberry could draw decent horses, only I can draw an Eiknarf.

Being a Cashier

I don't know how most people who stay up late also wake up early. I wake up at 7 am every weekday and whenever on the weekends. I get ready by 7 30 and I go to school. Every morning I grab breakfast from the high school, every morning I eat it at the NPC. It's a routine schedule and I follow it regularly. I am a NAVIT student, a Holbrook High School student, and a part time Popeye’s Employee. Most days I only have school to attend, NAVIT in the morning and high school at noon. I know I’m talking about school, but I want to focus this blog on my work. Three days a week (My schedule changes a lot) I have to go to Popeye’s to work a register. I usually only work one full shift a week, but sometimes they’re under-handed and need me to stay longer the days I’m only supposed to work 4 hours. From my co-workers perspective, I want a break because I’m lazy. What they don’t understand is that unlike them, I’ve been busy the entire day. Because of NAVIT, I don’t even get a real lunch break. They, on the other hand, only have to deal with Popeye’s business. The honest truth is, being a cashier is not difficult whatsoever. You could train a monkey to stand up there and handle money all day, it’s a simple task. What’s difficult is having to deal with customers. Every time someone walks through the door, you have to say, “Welcome back to Popeye’s!” with as much enthusiasm as you can muster. What grinds my gears is the fact that 90% of the time, the customer replies with, “Welcome back? I’ve never been here before!” They have a good laugh about it but I’m dying a little every time behind my forced smile. Most people that stop by are neutral, they take chicken and leave treating it as business. Every now and then I’ll get a customer that makes my day, with kind words and gestures, maybe a $1 tip every here and then. But then there is the rude customers. The truckers that are covered in sweat, wreak of Alcohol, are missing every tooth but a few black ones, and take their chicken VERY seriously. They will hound you about prices, order all of a certain piece, throw a fit if you don’t have said pieces, and will want to talk to a manager if the slightest thing doesn’t go their way. An example: Friday the 19^th, 2016. I was working with my manager Shannon, my fryer Bronson, and my co-cashier David. Shannon is taking orders while I’m packing them. I hear a trucker order a two piece, then complain about the price. Shannon says “I can’t make it any cheaper for you, I’d get in trouble.” The man harasses her trying to get a discount on his $5 meal, but doesn’t get it. My manager sends me on break, and I start packing myself some food. Him and his buddies see my grabbing my chicken tenders and call me towards them. They ask me, “Is that your food?” I say yes. “Well, we don’t appreciate you eating around everyone else’s food, licking it and stuff.” I was bewildered. I hadn’t put my food anywhere near my mouth yet and I was getting called out. “I haven’t even touched my food yet.” I told them. “We saw you do it!” they retorted. I tried ignoring them and going to the back, when they start staring at Bronson. “What the hell are you looking at?” Bronson asked them. They backed away sheepishly and asked for a manager. Shannon pointed out she was the manager and they scoffed. “We’ll just call corporate, then.” They take their chicken and leave and at this point I’m not even hungry anymore. All it took was three dudes and a lie to ruin my night. I was so angry thinking of any way I could get back at the man, but I just sat there, fuming, telling myself they would be gone in 5 minutes anyway. That kind of self-control is why I still have my job.